I once heard somewhere that there are more suicides on Easter Sunday than any other day in the year. I wasn't contemplating suicide or anything, but I could see how that's possible.

On one hand, you've got the zealots. While there's a lot that I could say about them, I won't. If they were normal people they wouldn't be called zealots.

On the other hand you've got the people that are just alone. Bear in mind that there's more than one kind of alone. There's the alone that I was: There just happened to be no one home. And then there's the other alone. No one on the planet seems to give a shit about you alone. Of the two, the latter is the one more likely to see Jesus. But since that's sort of depressing and this blog is mine to write about me, let's talk about that for a minute.

I was left alone on Easter.

The FAMILY (?) I live with just completely hauled ass. There was no one in the house but me. Usually I don't want to go to any of the gatherings they have because they always get fucked up somehow. But this year was different. Well this holiday anyway. With all the drama that I've been going through I really wanted to be wanted by someone. Anyone.

Needless to say, I didn't get the invite I was looking for. Family shouldn't need an invitation, but in this one you do. Knowing the volatile mixture that my son's mom and I can be, we're usually invited, but with special instructions. 'Don't fight' or some other shit like that. I didn't even get that.

I spent my Easter laying on my bed watching television and the backs of my eyelids. I suppose I could have went somewhere, but I didn't know where to go. My brother and I aren't really cool like that. Well, we are, but his wife isn't real big on people just coming over unannounced. Especially me. Coincidentally, my phone was either lost or stolen a day earlier so I had no one to call and couldn't tell if anyone was calling me. This sort of shit really puts you in your place. So what else did I do?

I thought. I've got a lot of shit to do and not a lot of time to do some of them. Now that I truly see where I fit in where I'm at, it's time to break out of here. I'm not talking about going to mom's either. I've got to do for self. One of the biggest steps involves getting a job. If I'm not going to get this disability thing, I have to get some real income. Real soon.

Dammit, the train has left the station. The train of thought that is. I've lost what the hell I was talking about....

Holla back.

I woke up to a most vile message on my cell phone today. It would appear that the sheriff was most prompt in serving my son's mom with her court papers. Boy was she pissed!

Before things got this far we had an agreement. She would help me with the state end of it, and I would help her on the financial end. Basically, she goes to court and tells them that she no longer needs their involvement in this matter, and then I'd give her $50.00 dollars a week. $50.00 dollars is a far cry from the $7.00 a week she's supposed to get, and the $0.00 dollars she's getting.

Being in mind that we are supposed to have this agreement, everything should be gravy. But things fall apart. Guess why? I live with her mom. Her mom has reasons as to why she wants me there. One of them is, she wants to piss off her daughter. How fucked up is this family? Dwell on that for a while. Now the daughter is mad at the mother, NOT me. But because she's mad at her, and her mom let's me live there, I'm in the mix too. The girl blows off the court date, effectively screwing me over, and now here we are.

I wish I could let you hear the message this woman left me. She told me that I'm not shit. Her family thinks I'm not shit. Not the family I live with, HER family. That would be my son and her daughter. Great, what is she telling my son? I bet she's not telling him that she's a drug dealer who uses men to get money to buy things. But that may come out in court. Now she HAS to go. While she's there, she's going to have to fill out a financial affidavit. Now she's going to have to explain how a woman with no job is holding down her rent, car and truck insurance, bills, groceries, and all that. I tried to keep her from this... Oh well.

Now I just have to wait and see what's going to happen. I love my life. I just wish someone else would live it!

In other news, today's humorous post can be found in the recently re-activated He-Man Woman Haters Club!

I'm still here! Wait, I wrote that already... Court wasn't as crazy as I thought it was going to be. In fact, it went really easy! I was a bit nervous when I initially got there, but a familiar face eased my mind. As I was walking up to the courthouse, I caught a glimpse of my sister. At first I was like, WTF? I guess she was there representing one of her clients or something. I really didn't get into her business.

Anyhoo, I talked to my sister about what was going on, she gave me her best wishes, $20.00, and a heartfelt 'I Love You' then she bounced. Still scared, I walked into the place and went to the bathroom and blew chunks. My nerves are really close to the surface and I usually get bubble guts or have to fart alot when I'm agitated.

Off to the little room in the back with the mean ladies. One look at my paperwork and the woman behind the counter began to roll her eyes and start to get all pissy looking. One look at me and her whole tone seemed to change. She did everyhing for me. Lots of rewriting, and a whole lot of signatures later I was done with her. For the moment anyway. She told me where to go to get the next part done, then told me to come back. Umm, okay...

No matter what I had felt about that woman when I got there (from past experience), I was loving her now. It turns out that when your paperwork is filled out correctly, things go alot smoother for you! In a nutshell, all my court fees were waived! I don't have to pay to have my children's mothers served. I don't have to pay for representation, and I don't have to pay for all that paperwork!

My next court date is in April. That's when I'll know something. In the mean time and in between time I'll be waiting for some msjor shit to pop off. But until that happens, GOD is good, all the time!

Today I go to court. More paperwork. More mean assed clerks telling me I'm filling out the paperwork wrong. I'm already going into it with short patience, which isn't good. But is it a coincidence that I have to go on Monday? There can't be a worse day than today to be doing this sort of shit!

Truth be told, I don't even want to go. Truth be told, I had already consigned myself to the fact that I was going to prison behind all this shit. My girlfriend on the other hand (ever the optimist), thinks that I should keep fighting.

GOD bless her. She's spent more time doing paperwork for me and some more shit than you can believe. I don't have the patience for this shit. I would really rather go to prison than deal with these people. They seem to treat me like shit, just because I'm there. There's nothing worse than that. I may have a defeatist attitude about it, but I just figure that their ultimate goal is for me to do some time, so let's just do it! Great, I just made the NIKE commercial for deadbeat dads!

Nothing more to say. For now at least. I'll fill you in when I know more.

Yesterday I felt appreciated. Most people go to work, do what they have to do while they're there, and then go home. This doesn't mean that they don't like their jobs, it is what it is. Most people don't ever get that sense of being appreciated. Myself included. But yesterday was different.

My boss was scheduled to have surgery on his hand yesterday. Instead of closing down the shop until (or if) he got back, I opted to stay. To my surprise he gave me something I had never gotten before. He gave me a key to the store. I know that that isn't a really big thing. Fuck that, it was to me.

A key to me means a lot of things. Most of all it symbolizes trust. Even though I've known the man I work for since he was a boy, I never assumed anything as far as trust goes. Especially when it concerns the store. I will admit, there were some people working here before me that I personally wouldn't have given a key to, but he trusted them so what can I do? I'll also admit that I was more than a bit jealous that I was never given a key. Anyhoo...

I was gassed up to the max. I felt really important! I don't know why, but I had all these ideas on what I would do. I wanted to make my boss proud. I wanted to show him that I was worthy of responsibility he had given me. I was even willing to CLEAN

I'm glad I didn't clean anything! That bastard came back and didn't even acknowledge that I had done anything. Personally, I was impressed. The store was still standing. Nothing had been stolen. We actually made some money. What the fuck else could you expect? I guess I'll never know. He took his key back and along with it any happy, happy, joy, joy feelings I had attached to it. Asshole.

Maybe that's why I seem less motivated. I love coming to work. Mostly to see what the hell is going to go on here. But I do still enjoy the feeling of making the sale. But for real though, I think I want a key....