Walk a Mile In My Shoes by Blaque Man

My girlfriend pisses me off! In fact, she pisses me off to the highest point of pissivity! And yet I still love her.

Here's the deal. She has this irrational fear that I'm going to either leave her, or cheat on her. Seeing as how we started our relationship while I was currently in a relationship, I can see where she would be a little uneasy. A little. I give her no indication of me wanting to go astray. I try to be more affectionate than horny. I give her kisses when everything in my body tells me to give her a right cross. I really feel that I'm doing all I can to keep her happy, but for some reason she has doubts.

The fucked up part is that she doesn't really do anything. Her most annoying trait is that she talks continually. That wouldn't be so bad if she didn't do it while I was attempting to talk. After being 'run over' for the last time I finally snapped on her. It was pretty ugly. My boy had to take me aside and ask me if I had taken my meds. That's when I knew I had probably fucked up. I spend so much time just holding it all in, that when it came out, it just came out RAW. One could say 'fuck it' and get on with life, but in this case I can't. She may have deserved something, but not me raw and uncut. She's just being her, and this is how she and her family talk. It's fucked up to listen to, but that's how it is. My people tend to let you finish a thought on your own and not randomly interject their own personal anecdotes. Hers, not so much.

So should I blast on her every time she's annoying? I can't. It would hurt her feelings. But what about mine? Sometimes I just want to be violent towards her. That can't be good. I don't do it, and would never do it, but that doesn't erase the thoughts of it. So what do I do instead? Hugs and kisses. It's working so far, but for how long I don't know. I keep telling myself that she's young, and when she..... but that's bullshit. Her youthful ways are sort of cute, in the appropriate circumstances.

I'm all fucked up. I can't even tell when I'm treating her bad. Once I've said what I have to say, I'm over it. I move on. Immediately. There has to be a better way. But I don't know if I'm the one that needs to change. She chose me! I'm me! She's the one that needs to find herself. I've done that already! I'm comfortable with who I am, and who I'm becoming. I DON'T WANT HER TO LEAVE ME. I DON'T WANT HER TO LOVE ME ANY LESS. I just need her to take it down a thousand. Step up or step off is what I'd normally say, but it doesn't fit her. Maybe take a step BACK is more appropriate. Whatever, we'll get over it. Good things are coming up soon. Hopefully she can stay with my old stubborn ass until they do.

A wise man once asked: What do I do when sorry is not enough? I wish I had the answer to that question. I don't want to lose her. Please, help me to help ME.