Currently, I've got erectile NON-function! I haven't had an erection in like 2 weeks! I'm too young for this shit! Don't get me wrong, I still get horny! But that's where it begins and ends. I've got the emotion, but not the equipment to do anything about it. As if, that's not bad enough, it gets worse.

I've got a fanny-pack! Just in case there's some people out there that don't know what that is, I'll explain. Have you ever seen a woman with two stomachs? You know the ones. They walk down the street and look like they're juggling a soccer ball with their knees. That extra belly, that roll of fat, that nasty jelly roll, that's a fanny-pack.

As long as I've been fat it's never really bothered me. I always held my fat in the same place. It was odd. I had a big belly, but that's it. No saddlebags on the legs. No turkey neck. Big belly. End of story. Now this. I'm disgusted.

Obviously this sort of thing doesn't just creep up on you. It got me in the most embarrassing of ways. There's a little extra fat around my penis area. The only person that could notice that would be my girlfriend. I HAVEN'T SEEN MY PENIS IN YEARS BECAUSE OF MY BELLY!!!!
Would you like to know how I found out I had a fanny-pack?

I had a rare opportunity to get some head at work. Being that I'm hyper sensitive about such things, I had to go to the bathroom to make sure I didn't stink. As I was washing my dick in the sink, (pause) ((I know that sounds nasty, but hey, you do what you have to do in emergency situations.)) I happened to look in the mirror to make sure I got all the soap off my nuts. That's when I saw it. Fuck getting head, I was pissed off, depressed, annoyed, and all types of other shit.

Now my girlfriend thinks that I don't want to have sex with her and she's blaming it on herself. She thinks she's too fat and I don't find her attractive. Shut the fuck up! The truth is, I can't stand the way I look. I don't feel sexy anymore. That's a big thing. I've always felt sexy. Without that, I'm not ME. I don't have that confidence, or that swagger that makes me who I am. My ego is fucked up.

Now on top of all that, I haven't been getting erections. I do plan on doing something about it. I'm going to follow up on the referral I got about this gastric bypass operation. If I have to start walking or working out. Whatever! Fuck the fact that I might die if I don't take care of myself. That never bothered me. Death I can handle. It's an inevitability. My dick not working, that's serious!

Stay tuned!

Last night was crazy! My roommate came to me and asked me if I would listen to her voicemail. Of course I did. Upon hearing her messages, I learned that her car (which should have been repoed 4 months ago) had better turn up or there will be an injunction against her.

She didn't really know what all that meant, other than it was bad. I told her that basically, if she didn't give up the car she was going to be taking a long ride up shit's creek.

Here's the background info: She bought a car that she knew she couldn't afford. She kept it for as long as possible. When it was time to give it up, she bought a bucket to drive, and was going to comply. During this time her oldest daughter's husband's car shit the bed. Being kind hearted, she let her daughter use her car for the weekend so she could find a car to buy. 4 months later here we are....

Instead of being straight up about it, and telling her daughter that Nissan Motor Company want their car and are going to start legal procedures, she HINTS at it and gets shot down. "If we don't have the car we'll lose our house, and my husband will lose his job..." (How is this her problem?) "You had 4 months to get a car." Blah, blah, blah...

Now it's up to me to handle things. She asked me to go steal her car from her daughter, which I did. The next morning she asked me to make the appropriate phone calls to the people who needed to know where the car was, which I did. NOW the bitch wants me to empty the car of all their personal effects. FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!

Let me say this: I am not your fucking husband! I am not your baby-daddy! I'm damned sure not Benson out this bitch. Kiss my black ass, and bark at the hole you fat lazy bitch!

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go empty the car.

The fact that I live at the local bootleg didn't make it time. DCF running in and out a few times a month didn't make it time. Allegedly being watched by the police and risking them breaking the door down didn't make it time. But when an 11 year old girl tells you that she's thinking about giving (random kid x) a blowjob in the backyard, dammit, it's time!

Time to get the fuck out that is.

Usually I'm pretty easy going. There isn't a whole lot that can shake me. This shook me to my foundation! I was really stuck for a moment. This girl was really asking me for help and advise with a situation that she shouldn't have any knowledge of for quite some time. Did I mention that she's 11?

After I got over the whole shock of the situation, I was impressed by the fact that she actually thought about it. Then I was shocked by the fact that she actually thought and had BEEN thinking about it! She's 11! My daughter is 12, and when she comes to visit Daddy, this is who she hangs out with. Not any more! Fuck that!

As is my life, it gets worse before it gets better. I hear that (random boy x) could be as old as 15. I'm not sure exactly how old he is, but the range appears to be between 11 and 15. Either way, it's not good.

You may be wondering what I told the girl... Yeah, about that... I wanted to tell her to just not do it, don't think about it, don't ever bring up the subject again, and I will be having a talk with this punk. That's what I wanted to tell her. What actually came out was sort of weird. It occurred to me that she probably didn't want what she would have gotten from her mother. (An ass-whoopin maybe?) This was a serious thing to her and that's how I treated it.

Instead of just flat out discouraging her, I attempted to tell her other ways she could show her affection. Non-sexual ways! I told her that if he respected her that he would understand why she would choose another way to show him how much she liked him. I don't know how much got through, but at least she listened.

With that out of the way, I come to my real dilemma. Do I tell her mother? Would I be betraying the girl's trust by telling her mom? Would I be betraying the mom's trust by NOT telling her? As a father, I would want to know if my daughter was contemplating performing fellatio on someone. Bad visual! I may be scarred for life!

Either way, this shit is more than I want to deal with. It's definitely time for me to get the fuck out of this crazy place.

I bought a car last weekend. Not just any car. I bought a Trans Am! Not just any Trans Am, a 1987 Pontiac Trans Am GTA! This might not mean much to a lot of you. That's okay. I don't expect that it would. If you can't picture it, think of the Knight Rider show. Remember K.I.T.T? That's the car I got! It's so hot! It's not black like K.I.T.T was, it's maroon, but it's still hot to death! Sure, it's got a few minor imperfections (namely the sideswipe down the rear passenger side), but I still love it.

When I was in High School there was this dude Daron. He had a similar year Chevy Camaro Iroc Z-28. He did a few things to it. Paint, exhaust, sounds, and some nice rims. It was the phattest ride around. He named it The Creeper. The funniest thing was, it was out of the factory one of the fastest cars around. You'd never know it though. Daron never, ever raced it. He would just cruise around town real slow like, creepin'. As much as I admired his car, I never wanted it. I always wanted the Pontiac. Not the firebird. Anyone could have one of those. It had to be a Trans Am. Of the time, the best Trans Am to have was the GTA.

Now that I have it, I'm not sure what to do with it. It needs a little dent removal and paint love. The interior will have to undergo significant changes. Not that it needs it. My hobby dictates that I stuff as many speakers in a car as humanly possible. It's got a 5.7 liter tuned port engine. I have no idea what that means, but it's a selling point of the vehicle. (I'm a car guy, but not an engine guy.) All I know is that it was referred to as the 'poor man's corvette'. I guess they took the engine from the corvette and stuffed it into this car and then detuned it a bit. Can't have lesser cars walking over the 'Vette can we?

Well, here's my dilemma. I can't keep cars. I either sell them for a profit, or give them away. I can't do that with this one. It's not the Corvette or the Del Sol or the Daytona that I want, but it's still up there. And hell, with a little patience and a lot of work (work done by Jason!), this could really be a hell of a car! We'll see. I'll keep you informed.

I haven't posted in a week or so. Would you like to know why? I couldn't think of anything you might find interesting. That's when it hit me. To hell with all of you! I'm supposed to be writing this for ME! Not you! ME! With that said, I'm going to write about what I want to write about.

My favorite thing in the world to do is to make CD's. (CD's nutz in your mouf! ) My favorite kind of music is that freak-nasty, get you wet, baby-makin' music. The more suggestive, the better!

What I would like for all of you to do is this: Hit me up with your favorite love songs. I'll list some of the songs I've already got. Feel free to down load these nasty songs and add them to your collection.

Baby I Wanna - H-Town
Freak Me Baby - Silk
Slow Tongue - Minnie Ripperton
T-Shirt and Panties - Jamie Foxx & Adina Howard
Tease Me - Guy
Hit You With a 69 - Link
Two Steps to the Right - Entouch
Till the Cops Come Knockin' - Maxwell
Feenin' - Jodeci

That's just a hint of what's going down. Feel free to add to it and let's see what we can come up with.