I once heard somewhere that there are more suicides on Easter Sunday than any other day in the year. I wasn't contemplating suicide or anything, but I could see how that's possible.

On one hand, you've got the zealots. While there's a lot that I could say about them, I won't. If they were normal people they wouldn't be called zealots.

On the other hand you've got the people that are just alone. Bear in mind that there's more than one kind of alone. There's the alone that I was: There just happened to be no one home. And then there's the other alone. No one on the planet seems to give a shit about you alone. Of the two, the latter is the one more likely to see Jesus. But since that's sort of depressing and this blog is mine to write about me, let's talk about that for a minute.

I was left alone on Easter.

The FAMILY (?) I live with just completely hauled ass. There was no one in the house but me. Usually I don't want to go to any of the gatherings they have because they always get fucked up somehow. But this year was different. Well this holiday anyway. With all the drama that I've been going through I really wanted to be wanted by someone. Anyone.

Needless to say, I didn't get the invite I was looking for. Family shouldn't need an invitation, but in this one you do. Knowing the volatile mixture that my son's mom and I can be, we're usually invited, but with special instructions. 'Don't fight' or some other shit like that. I didn't even get that.

I spent my Easter laying on my bed watching television and the backs of my eyelids. I suppose I could have went somewhere, but I didn't know where to go. My brother and I aren't really cool like that. Well, we are, but his wife isn't real big on people just coming over unannounced. Especially me. Coincidentally, my phone was either lost or stolen a day earlier so I had no one to call and couldn't tell if anyone was calling me. This sort of shit really puts you in your place. So what else did I do?

I thought. I've got a lot of shit to do and not a lot of time to do some of them. Now that I truly see where I fit in where I'm at, it's time to break out of here. I'm not talking about going to mom's either. I've got to do for self. One of the biggest steps involves getting a job. If I'm not going to get this disability thing, I have to get some real income. Real soon.

Dammit, the train has left the station. The train of thought that is. I've lost what the hell I was talking about....

Holla back.